:: Union Grove Road Race ::

:: i honestly can't believe i am wasting time blogging about this, but it goes to serve my point(s) that i am surrounded by monkeys (more on this in a future post). i've done my fair share of races, probably upwards of 150 (no wise cracks about how slow i still am), and i thought i had seen it all. i should have been tipped off when the only search for union grove road race on google turns up flyers from years past, and in bike reg it's labeled as 'union grove road race ?' as soon as i showed up, i began to understand the '?'. it's been my long-standing strategy to show up at least 60 minutes before my start time, get partially dressed, roll to registration get my number, and then warm up. simple, effective, and it's worked for the 150+ races i've done. but not this time. registration is divided up into 2 lines a-m, and n-z. not like the categories most promoters use. well, the n-z line is virtually empty, while the a-m line wraps around the side of the church. 426 pre-registered riders for 16 races, each of which has two each: spreadsheet, number pile, and release pile. so that's 64 piles of numbers/releases and two overwhelmed people trying to give them out, with two people standing behind them doing nothing as far as i can see. 8:58 with a 9:02 start and i'm still in line waiting. the officials call all the 9:00 starters to the front (but not the 9:02 starters - 6 races started within 3 minutes). then my race is called to the start line, but i'm still in the registration line. if it weren't for a 10 minute delay, i'd have been racing in my bluejeans. (side note, 2 porta-johns for 426 pre-registered riders and fans........ come on! this isn't your first race. you needed to get there 2 hours ahead if you wanted to both register and use the facilities.). i roll up to the line with sport beans in hand, 2 pins in my number, helmet unbuckled, sunglasses in my hand, and skewers still loose. i address the problems in decreasing importance, throwing my beans into the weeds (at the promoter) as we leave the line, and buckle the helmet AFTER the first hairy downhill. i should back up... the previous races started with a shot, and apparently they were out of ammo. we got a 'go' followed by a 'wait, no' followed by a 'ok, go slow' followed by an all out sprint off the line towards the ones that sprinted on the first 'go'. back to the story. after buckling my helmet on the flat, the joker in front of me drops his chain (shifting to the little ring at 30+ on a flat, i dunno). he fumbles unsuccessfully for several seconds to reclaim union of chain and ring as the pack bumps and splits to avoid him. a few minutes later, mass confusion as 75 riders (assuming afore mentioned goon had rejoined us) attempt to squeeze together over a 10ft wide bridge. which is then followed by the 14% kick into a nasty headwind. 2 more goons drop their chains (and fall) and a gap opens never to be closed. 3 determined solo bridge attempts, and a few more with a pace line, and within moments i'm looking at 197 on the hrm and decide to live to race another day, and back it down to 150 to get a healthy training ride in. within the next 5 minutes 6 (!) cars with yellow flashing lights pass (not caravan or sag vehicles, and i don't know their purpose). as i cross the line for the first lap, one of the yellow lighted vehicles is sideways across the road. next lap, there are 2 vehicles at the start finish line in a standoff trying to get back into the parking lot. add to the mix folks walking across to join the registration line, a few loose dogs, menonities all over the 10 foot wide roads with their steel wheeled tractors, gravel in the corners, open grate bridges... you get the idea. it was of no surprise to me the number of folks after the race throwing their $80 bib shorts into the trash. oh, and i forgot to mention... the officials didn't know how many laps we had to do (and since i missed the pre-race meeting, neither did i). so i just kept doing laps until the next race started. and then one more just to prove my point. if i had stopped when i thought i was supposed to, i would have spent more time in line registering than actually riding. post race discussions with some of the other participants and non-participants that knew better, said the other races were equally chaotic - such as dropping a lap from the women's race without even telling them?!?. in short, i've crossed off all pro-am sponsored races for this year and next. unless of course, i can figure out a way to both register and use the facilities in under an hour. ::